his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize