GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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