every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Semen is not good for contacts.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
