And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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