I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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