she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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