As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize