I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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