If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
