I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
