my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
