I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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