Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
