I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
