OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
