On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
