also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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