i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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