one might say we're banned from that church
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
