we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
