Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
People with herpes should wear stickers.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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