It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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