Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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