census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
