i wish there were pregnant emoticons
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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