It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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