I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
