Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
