Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
