I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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