Whatcha textin bout Willis?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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