I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
