Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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