I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
