So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
