all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
