Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
