uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
