I cannot find my penis.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
