I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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