he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
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