i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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