I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
