My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
