Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
