I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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