You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
worst night to have a conscience
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
