Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
