She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
