the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
