Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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