do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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