just survived the first fart of the relationship.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
