well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
My vagina just recognized that song.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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