my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
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