so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
