Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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