So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
