The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
