I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Randomize
