That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
