3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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