Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
try to milk me bitch
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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