What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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