Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
