We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
