I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
