remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
