census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
We left the knife in your bed.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
