Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
