if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize