Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
NoShamevember. You game?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
