it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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